Three Types of Willpower
By Annie Muller CHC/CLC
Will power: it’s a word we use a lot when we are talking about habit change, and reaching new goals. A lot of people say the reason they don’t reach their goals is because of will power, but what are we really talking about when we cite will power as our reason for success or failure?
Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist and author of The Willpower Instinct: How Self Control Works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of it, defines will power as the go-between of who you want to be and what you actually find yourself doing. It entails us asking ourselves how we can make choices and take actions that are consistent with our highest values and strongest goals even when it’s difficult. And even when some part of us is exhausted, terrified or distracted.
First, we need to understand that we can look at willpower as an instinct. We have a natural instinct to survive, and subsequently can foster that natural instinct to do what matters most and tap into that instinct when we face obstacles and challenges. Our natural capacity to think about goals, plan to reach those goals, and suppress other instincts that get in the way of those goals, is a huge part of what makes us human.
We can do hard things.
It is important to remind ourselves that challenges and obstacles are not a reason to stop. We can learn how to negotiate conflict without feeling like we are neglecting other important parts of ourselves. We can marshall the most important energy and resources toward the thing we will ultimately be most glad we chose. This requires a large repertoire of survival strategies and it helps to understand the different types of willpower.
There are three types of willpower:
“Won’t Power”
This is what most of us think of when we think of willpower. It usually entails a list of “won'ts: “I won’t eat that,” “I won’t do that.” This kind of willpower focuses on overriding impulses, denial and restriction and can feel easily depleted.
“I WILL Power”
This type of will power is more action based. The internal dialogue sounds more like “I will choose healthy food, even though other options will be available to me.” “I will ride out my cravings, knowing that they will lessen over time.” We can create our priorities and then find courage and determination to follow through.
“I Want Power”
This type of will power really drives both of the others. We are energized by our values and goals and so we must have a clear and defined “why” if we want to be successful. In moments of conflict, if we can tap into our larger goals and values–who we really want to be–it can be easier to sacrifice in the moment for the greater good.
Many of us will find one form of willpower easier than the others. We may find it easy to define our why, but struggle with the “I will” follow through, or the restriction of “I won’t.” But we must start with defining our WHY. When you are truly connected to the goal you are less likely to let yourself off the hook when things get hard. Then we must remember that it won’t always be hard. Perhaps, just as important as remembering that we can do hard things, it’s important to remember that it won’t be hard forever. The amount of willpower needed at the beginning of our habit change journey will decrease as we adjust, as our brain and body create positive feedback and we find new habits and new joy in the change. We ARE worth the work it requires to create the version of ourselves we have always dreamed of.
“You can do hard things!”